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I am sharing with the reader here what it has meant to me to be a
homemaker, a musician & more and my experience with process work
in the last 5 years. That I can proudly introduce myself this way
thanks to process work and Aastha.
I surprised myself that day, maybe over 3 years now, when I heard
myself saying to somebody " I am a home maker ". Coming
from a woman who was mother of two at 25 years, it wasn't easy. My
statement, for the first time had clarity and the mind conveyed
conviction as I heard it. I was acknowledging to myself for the first
time, that I was content with my choice and that there was absolutely
no reason to feel any lesser than most women my age, who were on to
serious career paths!
Looking back, I wonder how come what the outside world thought of me,
had become so much more important than what I wanted for myself. What
was the need to prove to others, the worth of my choice? The shift
for me after coming into process work has been this- Acceptance of
myself for what I am and being able to take responsibility for my own
action choices..this has offered a big release from many knots.
Rather than look at my responsibilities as a mother/ wife from just a
duty perspective, today I realise the importance & significance
of me as an anchor for the home. I kept looking for acknowledgements
& appreciation from outside, because I, for long couldn't give it
to myself.
If I can give unto myself from within, my expectation from the
environment becomes that much lesser. Same has been true for music
too. In my evolution as a musician, a lot of self-doubt has gone in.
Can I ? Am I good enough ? Am I capable? All these were born out of a
fear of being evaluated. A pearl of wisdom, offered to me in one of
the sessions, which has made a lot of sense to me.. * when expression
is oriented toward making an impression, it would end up losing its
charm *..When I sing, am I expressing myself through music, or am I
trying to impress the listener? Lately I have realised that I derive
so much more joy in music when I cut out the impression creating
aspect while singing. Any form of art be it a painting, or dance or
music is an expression of one's inner feelings, individual talent
apart. In that is there a need for an assessment or comparison
between two individuals? It is a reality that it anyway exists from
the point of view of a listener, but if I, as an artiste, place
emphasis on the same, rather than express myself freely, I would end
up restricting free flowing evocative music. This ofcourse is no
generalization to what artistes ought to be, but what has helped me
enjoy music so much more.
The most valuable takes for me, from process work:
* Learning to follow my heart, build faith in life and trust my intuitions.
* I dont have to be only a response to my environment, in fact I
could very well be the stimulus if I desire to be.
* Life is as large and meaningful as I make it out to be.
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